The Joan Dilemma

Mad Men has really challenged us this season.  The technicolor tones are bleaching into sepia and the comfortable stereotypes are being turned upside down if not blown entirely.  In particular, the character of sexy vamp Joan is really throwing us for a loop.  The moral ambiguity involved with the decision to pimp her out for the good of the business is both shocking and fascinating.  

Fascinating both on the part of each male character involved and most powerfully on her part.  It was ultimately her decision.  Was she bullied into it by chauvinistic pigs?  Absolutely not.  However, each one of the characters severely compromised their integrity and frankly self esteem as a result.

Don Draper was the only one who absolutely refused to go along with it.  Joan on the other hand.  Well this business and and these men mean something to her.  The very fact that the offer was put on the table changed everything.  It made her realize how very little she is valued as a person and she rightly or wrongly decided to make the best of it.  She is now a single mother after all.  Why not make them pay very dearly for the deal.  Would she have ever become a partner otherwise?  Again, absolutely not.

Is it wrong to use all of your assets to get ahead?  Honestly if there is no possible way to get away from objectification, why not use it?  This is something Joan has always understood.  She would never frump herself down to be taken seriously.  With that body how could she really?  So in fact, she has perfected the art of intimidating men with her powerful feminine energy.

 

None of this changes however how very competent she is at her work.  She threw her hat in with this bunch and this business just as much as the rest.  She could have very comfortably stayed with the old company.  The success of this new business is just as important to her.  Would this motley crew have transitioned into their own business so smoothly without her intelligence and extremely efficient administrative skills?  There is no question, Joan knows how to run an office.  The company needs her for these important management skills, not her ass.

        
She is essentially their Chief Operating Officer and 100% deserves to be a partner.  How very sad that it came down to selling that ass for this to come to pass.

For all of them really.  Because when it comes down to it, each one of them genuinely likes her.  Joan can hang with the boys and they don't have to be someone they're not with her.  She knows the score, sees right through their facades, and doesn't judge them for it.  They know that and love her for it.

She will obviously have to deal with her own part in this but she had the wherewithal to use it to her advantage both for herself and her child.  She had the chance here to ensure financial stability after realizing she wasn't cut out for that particular consumption of shit required to remain married to a selfish bastard.  She had learned the hard way by this point that a traditional wife and mother she is not.

So can we blame her really for this choice?  How will this manifest going forward with these male co-workers?  Will the partners now forever see her as their sexual plaything?

Or will they grant her the same favor of not judging her and value her very material contribution to the success of the company?  After all, they all have experienced a little bit of that bitter taste of prostituting themselves out for the job on some level.  They can't help but respect how she parlayed this dilemma into her own success.

It is just business after all.

Dying over Dyeing: Is It Worth the RISK?

I have decided to dye my own hair from now on. I'm hoping as I age (please tell no one I age) my hair will come in a fantastic baby fine cottony white. But in the meantime, upkeep is a bitch and a costly one at that. Having long blonde hair means cash money and my partner wants to play, but he doesn't like to pay. And my hair colorist bores me beyond belief. So with those thoughts processed, I bought some Loreal Super Light Ash Blonde BOX DYE!! Normally the word ASH makes me sick, even though I love fire and smoking. When I hear ASH I think of a pretender blonde. A streaky stripper blonde. A dirty dishwater blonde. And I want it to be clear, my locks are sunny and golden, not ashy and trashy. BUT, the sad fact is, is that I'm horrifically pink in shade. It's tragic the color I am. I'm ruddy and my eyebrows are bushy as fuck and inexplicably BLACK. I think they're my best feature, actually. So, a paler blonde is best and so I have to live with the fact that my hair is ASHY. I am a natural blonde, but instead of getting lighter with time, my hair is turning a mortifying shade of BROWN. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but having been blond my whole life you get used to a certain lifestyle. My whole identity is wrapped up in my hair, just like all humans. Everything about me is blonde, and I've gotten a lot of free shit along the way as a result. I don't want to fuck a good thing up. So after I dyed my hair with BOX DYE I washed it with MAGICAL PURPLE SHAMPOO. If you are blonde, immediately go to your local beeyoutee shop and ASK FOR MAGICAL PURPLE SHAMPOO. They will know what it's called, I can't remember and I'm a bit too lazy to look it up if I'm being frank. The purple does not make your hair purple, sadly. But it does strip it of all the orangey brassy tacky stripper looking color. If your hair is really over processed you can put the purple on dry hair and let it sit. I will dye at least part of my hair lilac when I find the proper dye. I like Manic Panic Cotton Candy Pink highlights and tips for now. Having inappropriately colored hair is fun and distracts people from the notion that I MIGHT be over forty. So, what have we learned. Not one goddamned thing except that I am a vapid, vapid woman. ALSO, MAGICAL PURPLE SHAMPOO IS A BLONDE'S BEST PAL. And if you take your time and do some research, it's not the end of the world if you dye your own hair. Then you will have extra cash for coffee and hash cookies.

Choosing Sides

I am going to go ahead and choose sides. I have made a no high heel declaration in my own life. Women are starting to look like real idiots in their footwear choices. Remember when we made fun of chicks in Birkenstocks? The ugliest, stupidest shoe ever and I see no difference in stupidity between a Birkenstalk and a Blahnik. At least if a girl needed a quick exit, she could run in a Birkenstalk. These super high platform heels are the most oppressive footwear since ever. Being a woman, there are enough impediments to running away, do we really want to add ridiculous shoes to the mix? Have you ever tried to run while holding a cup of Grande Dark Roast, extra milk, five Splenda? It's fucking hard. Plus a handbag and an open bottle of Xanax and/or spring water? You try it and see if I'm wrong. Running is important. I say we outlaw the high heel. I wear Tom's Shoes because no one can give you shit for wearing flats if you're charitable. And I'm charitable. It's written on my fucking shoe. PS: I owned two lovely pair of Birks in the late eighties. They were lost in a tragic closet cleaning incident which occurred shortly after I married. I blame kitten heels and graduate school.

"Time Doth Flit; Oh Shit."

Dorothy Parker had a way with words didn't she?  Ever known for her lack of vanity, even she felt anxiety about getting older.

Today there seem to be two camps of women.  Those who fiercely pursue the bottle of youth and those who have given up entirely.  The media has projected a standard that is seemingly impossible and quite frankly monstrous.  Your choice seems to be freakishly, perfectly fake or completely old and out of shape before your time. 

Where does self respect land here?  Neither extremes reflect self love on any level.

How can anyone keep up frankly with what has become the standard?  Bravo's Housewives series is filled to the brim with freakishly gorgeous women who do not appear to have the time or energy left for self reflection.  What they do have is a seemingly endless sources of funds for lip injections, botox, boob jobs, makeup artists, and hair stylists.

What normal person struggling in this economy can relate to this?  Your average woman is typically caught in the classic lady trap of putting all of her energy into her loved ones and forgetting about herself.  Who can even begin to attempt to put the time and money into looking anything like these women?  It's impossible, so why bother?  

We don't have to embrace these cliches and extremes.  A healthy dose of daily self respect will result in you looking great at any age.  Letting go of perfection is the key, not letting go entirely.  But how does one do that in this environment?

Would Dorothy Parker have succumbed?  Frankly, I think she did.  She ended up embracing her role as the unattractive wise cracker.  

I don't blame her for that.  Her wit is unsurpassed.  But she was a beauty whether anyone, most importantly she, gave herself credit for it.

The point here is that we don't have to fall into the trap of yet another pigeon hole.  Other people may want to do it but we most certainly do not have to do it to ourselves.  You can be attractive and witty at the same time.  You can take care of yourself and be reasonably youthful and attractive without succumbing to the extreme pressures of looking like a reality TV star who is anything but real.

We don't have to pick sides.

"Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave." Dorothy Parker