Choosing Sides

I am going to go ahead and choose sides. I have made a no high heel declaration in my own life. Women are starting to look like real idiots in their footwear choices. Remember when we made fun of chicks in Birkenstocks? The ugliest, stupidest shoe ever and I see no difference in stupidity between a Birkenstalk and a Blahnik. At least if a girl needed a quick exit, she could run in a Birkenstalk. These super high platform heels are the most oppressive footwear since ever. Being a woman, there are enough impediments to running away, do we really want to add ridiculous shoes to the mix? Have you ever tried to run while holding a cup of Grande Dark Roast, extra milk, five Splenda? It's fucking hard. Plus a handbag and an open bottle of Xanax and/or spring water? You try it and see if I'm wrong. Running is important. I say we outlaw the high heel. I wear Tom's Shoes because no one can give you shit for wearing flats if you're charitable. And I'm charitable. It's written on my fucking shoe. PS: I owned two lovely pair of Birks in the late eighties. They were lost in a tragic closet cleaning incident which occurred shortly after I married. I blame kitten heels and graduate school.